Should Parents Test Adolescents for Substance Use?
Much has been made recently of the opportunities afforded by recent technology for parents to obtain cheap alcohol and drug testing facilities. So are these a real boon to parents. Is it a positive step being able to test your teenager for alcohol and drugs? Instead of getting the surly automatic denial, is it not a genuine benefit to be able to get a definitive answer so that both parents and adolescents know whether drugs or alcohol are being consumed?
Do parents really need to use a testing kit to tell if their kids are using drugs. True it can be difficult sometimes. If we read the help books and information pamphlets that tell us the signs and symptoms of alcohol and drug use in adolescents we get a fairly comprehensive list. The signs are that your teenager might have mood swings, might be withdrawn, disrespectful, verbally abusive sneaky, stay out late, neglect their appearance and be manipulative and self-centred. No wonder it is difficult to tell whether adolescents are taking drugs as this list sounds just like a description of adolescents in general. In fact one pamphlet suggests that signs of taking drugs are listening to loud music for hours and associating with strange friends. Again sounds much like normal adolescent activities. So for some parents the ability to test routinely or randomly must seem like the answer to their confusion, fears and problems but is it?
During adolescence the relationship between teenagers and parents often deteriorates as teens test the limits and boundaries set by parents. They also practice being their own person being autonomous and making their own decisions. Introducing a drug testing kit into this cauldron of seething hormones could cause far more problems than it solves. Indeed, it does not require specialised equipment to detect most alcohol and drug use as it is fairly obvious, for example by the smell, lack of co-ordination and dilated pupils. However lets look at a number of facts about drugs and alcohol.
Few adults reach the legal age of drinking without having had an alcoholic drink, unless they are lifelong abstainers. If you are a parent reading this, did you drink before the legal age? Be honest now! Around half the population of the USA and UK under the age of 50 have tried drugs at some stage, but few actually continue and even fewer have tried harder drugs (eg about 10% have tried cocaine with about 1% using regular and 1% tried heroin with about 0.1% regular). So having tried drugs does not mean addiction or even regular use. It is also a myth that someone having used marijuana will necessarily go on to use harder drugs, the so-called gateway theory. Some will and some will develop problems but the truth is in respect of both alcohol and drugs is that the majority of people who use them, do so without incurring any problems. It is also true that, for most users, drug use and excessive alcohol use tend to be behaviours that people grow out of without any interventions. Thus there could be a danger of over-reaction.
Even if the adolescent is does have a genuine problem it is generally recognised that there needs to be a trusting relationship between the user and any helper. The introduction of a breathalyser or drug testing into the home could alienate the teen and erode any trust or make it more difficult to establish. Where testing might be useful is when both parents and teen have agreed its use as a preventative measure. For example if the teen has been using drugs and has developed a problem and wishes help, then parents can suggest that random testing can help. In a negotiated situation as described testing can be beneficial but if imposed it can exacerbate any problem.
Written by John McMahon our expert of the day.
How to Treat Teenage Alcoholism
If the young people particularly teenager start drinking, then they have more chances to become addicted to alcohol at some point in their life. A research reveals that people who start drinking before the age of 15 have 40% more risk of becoming alcoholic. Young drinkers will eventually get the problem of alcoholism. A self test for teenage people to determine whether they have the problem of alcoholism or not is given below:1. Have you lost your school time due to drinking?2. Do you use drinking a way to escape your worries and stress?3. Do you feel comfortable while drinking in social events?4. Do you want to drink in secret?5. Have you ever faced any legal problems due to drinking?6. Do you feel irritated when someone comments on your drinking habit?7. Do you face any financial burden due to over buying of alcohol?8. Do you feel guilty of your drinking habit?9. Do your parents annoy you about your drinking habit?10. Do you have a family history of Alcoholism?11. Have you ever faced any problem with police due to your drinking habit?If your answer is yes to any of the questions then it really means that you may have alcoholism disorder. However you can get rid of this problem if you are really willing to quit drinking. There are many types of treatments available to teenage alcoholism.The treatment to teenage alcoholism is somewhat different to that of adult alcoholism. You can not employ the same methods used to treat an adult alcoholic for a teenager. One of the treatments to teenage alcoholism involves freeing the teenager from bad peers since many teenagers get into alcoholism due to peer pressure. If you eliminate the friends who are alcohol addicts, then it will be easy to treat your alcoholism problem.Another method of treatment to teenage alcoholism is counseling. Proper counseling should be given to the teenager in the way he\she can understand the cause of the problem and the consequences of the problem. The counseling can be given to him\her with the help of an ex-alcoholic also. This will help the young people to understand the dreadful effects of alcoholism. Most of the teenagers do not have a clear idea of alcoholism. They will think that they ill never become addict to alcohols. But it will happen when the person is a novelty seeking personality. The three important causes for why a teenager falls into the habit of alcoholic are family problems, stress and a desire to become more popular. Teenage is period of slight confusion. Teenagers often see their parents drink whenever they get stress. They take this wrong example to get into the habit of drinking. They may not be aware of the fact that alcohol will produce long term side effects and will affect their future. Hence it is the responsibility of the parents to observe their children to know whether they are becoming addicts to alcohol. They should help their children to get rid of this problem.
Written by Muna wa Wanjiru our expert of the day.
Single Teenage Parenting - Tackling of Children Emotions as Single Parent
Each child is unique and responds in a different manner in different situations. Single parenting deeply effects their emotions, so it is the duty of all parents to act in a way, which is better for the future of our kids. The idea is to act and not to react. So lets find out how the life of our off springs is affected by our actions.
Being a parent we should be well conversant with the stress triggers of our offsprings as they vary with age and personality. Every child responds to a situation in its own way. One kid may take a situation very seriously whereas the other may not react at all. Similarly toddlers, adolescents and younger kids face stress triggers differently. Single parents can only help themselves and their children if they know their way well.
Teenagers have complex requirements, which are not easy to meet as a sole parent. Being the only parent you lack the support of your partner. In absence of mothers all girls find their dads inexperienced to deal with their day-to-day problems. Single dads are often blamed for being insensitive, by teenage girls particularly on dating issues. Being a single father you have to make them understand that when you ask to invite her boyfriend home before going out together, itis obviously not an intrusion in her life. Rather it is to know whether it is safe for her going out with that particular person or not. This happens because that dad knows about teenage boys as he was a boy himself once and all dads whether single or not must look after the safety of their daughters. Every now and then curfew becomes an issue but they are to be explained that these check and balances depend upon how dependable she is.
Similarly the relation between teenage sons and their single mums is not without problems. This relation and emotions are at full swing in this relationship. As the boys grow up they usually become taller than their mothers because of the testosterone surge at this age. At the age of 16 boys may be up to 6 ft tall whereas most moms are not. As this happens the boys try to take charge within the house defying their mothers as parent. At this point the mothers need to be determined to keep their dominant rule and exercise their authority. If you are firm you can dictateand command the boys to follow rules. They need to remain in their rooms if they cannot control themselves till the time they are normal again. Similarly it is not advisable and safe for your teenager to drive in an angry mood, this may prove harmful.
When you deal with your child’s emotions as the only parent it may be very tiring but to keep you household peaceful and smooth running you have to explain to your children that it is YOU who is in charge and emotions are part of everyday life but that they have to keep them under control.
Written by Jennifer A. Gardner our expert of the day.
Toddler Development Toys
Parents love to see their baby toddling around the house. But it is important to bolster this crucial stage in your baby’s life with proper support systems. First, you need to understand his behavior and preferences before offering him toys. During this stage your child is engrossed with himself. So you need to take care of his overall development without disturbing his privacy. There are various toddler development toys available in the market, but again you need to choose the ones that suit your baby best.
Popular Toddler Development Toys: As this is the time when your child grows and develops quickly, his requirement is complex. Traditional sit-in or push-along toys may or may not serve the purpose. You can choose toys like rocking horses to make the baby more confident about balance and movement. Apart from these, conventional toys like trikes etc. help the baby to get familiar with motion and gain balance. And once he is confident about balancing, you can try some intricate new toddler toys that can be turned from the wheeled to the rocking state.
Another popular toddler development toy is the ride-on toy. These toys are a part of everybody’s childhood and have many advantages over newer electronic toys. As parents, you can push or pull your baby on the toy, until and unless he is in full control of the toy and properly balanced. This allows you to get involved in your child’s growing stage and also gives your child that special pleasure of parental attention. Also, these toys enhance the coordination between limbs and make your baby’s legs stronger. However, before buying such toys make sure that they look attractive enough to interest your baby and make him happy. You can choose to buy such toys with various sounds so that it adds to the thrill for your baby.
There are some toddlers who love to rest in a sitting position after walking a bit. If your baby is one of these, you can choose to buy some blocks which will keep him busy with coordination. Block toys are available in the market in various colors, shapes, and patterns. They are made of wood or plastic. You could also go for wooden blocks as they are more durable.
Things to remember: When choosing toys for your toddler, you need to remember some things. Every child is different and has an individual mental and social development cycle. While some toddlers love to look at various colors in books others may love to play in sand and water. So, while choosing a toy keep your baby’s likes and dislikes in mind and try to gift him toys that he will really enjoy rather than picking the most popular toy on the market.
Written by Brian J. Gordon our expert of the day.
Easter for Toddlers: Meaningful Activities Beyond Chocolate Bunnies
Children bring joy to holidays like Easter, with their beautiful suits and dresses and colorful egg hunts on green lawns. But in addition to special outfits and candy peeps, what else can parents do to provide their kids with a meaningful Easter? Here are seven ways to go beyond the Easter bunny and communicate a positive message to your toddler:
1. Deliver an Easter basket to a friend in need. Do you know a child whose parent is deployed? Or maybe a single mom who has three young children? Think of a family you know that could use a little encouragement. Make an Easter basket for that family and deliver it with your toddler. Your son or daughter will learn the joy of giving firsthand as he or she gives away that thoughtful basket.
2. Buy candy and deliver it for a church or community Easter egg hunt. You can explain to your toddler that candy doesn’t just magically appear at the egg hunts. People have to donate it first. Talk to them about the joy of giving and let them have their own special egg filled with a treat for helping out.
3. Visit a senior citizen at a nearby nursing home. Have your child color an Easter coloring page and deliver it to a resident. Call ahead of time and ask the activity director if there’s a particular resident he or she would recommend. Ask for the best times to come and the appropriate protocol for bringing children. Your adorable child will be the highlight of the day for that senior citizen!
4. Have an “empty tomb” egg hunt. Hide eggs in your backyard or wherever would work for a hunt. Fill the eggs with stickers, quarters, small toys or candy. Leave one egg empty. Whoever finds the empty egg is the grand prize winner. Explain how Easter is the celebration of the empty tomb because Jesus rose from the grave on the third day. The grave was empty just like that egg. Give the child who found the empty egg a great prize like a dollar bill, larger toy, or scoop of ice cream.
5. Print out Easter coloring pages. Look on the internet for free coloring pages of Jesus on the cross and other Easter images. Tell your child how much God loves him and how special he is.
6. Attend an Easter service. Whether you go to church regularly or not, Easter is a great time to participate in a holiday celebration. Many churches offer fantastic programs for kids, from giant Easter egg hunts to musical specials.
7. Make something special for the host of your Easter dinner. If you are going to grandma’s house for dinner, have your toddler make her a special card or craft to say thank you. Your host will be touched by your little one’s thoughtfulness. And if you’re the host, your child can make something small for each of your guests. Favors could be a coloring page, popsicle sticks glued together to make a cross, or plastic eggs filled with an after dinner mint.
When you take a little time to be intentional about Easter with your kids, you will find the holiday will become more meaningful not only to them, but to you!
Written by Arlene Pellicane our expert of the day.
Teenage Depression – is your Teen Depressed? Signs and Symptoms
Depression in teenagers is as high as depression in adults and it can lead to self harm and even suicide so make sure you know the signs of teenage depression before its to late.
Depression in Teenagers – How do I Know of my Teen is Depressed?
Teenagers with depression do not exhibit the same behavior as adults with depression and the difficulty for many parents is that much of the behavior that is diagnostically attributed to teenage depression, are the behaviors that most of experience with out teens at some stage.
A clinical diagnosis of depression may describe the following behaviors:-
• Feelings of not be understood by parents or teachers
• Increasing antisocial behavior
• Wanting to leave home
• Becoming negative and feeling ‘picked on’ or disapproved of
• Aggression
• Withdrawal from family and other social activities
• Spends more time in own company
• Lack of attention to personal grooming
If your teenager is depressed they may exhibit some or all of these symptoms.
In general, teenage girls with depression may become preoccupied with this of a morbid nature, while teenage boys will act up, becoming aggressive at school or at home, and perhaps getting into trouble with the police.
Depression in Teenagers – Getting Help
Teenage boys will often become aggressive, agitated, and get into trouble at home, at school, or with the law. Teenage girls will sometimes become preoccupied with themes of death or dying, and become decreasing concerned about how they look. Suicidal thoughts are common.
Some studies suggest that 500,000 teens attempt suicide each year, and 5000 are successful.
Increased use of alcohol or other drugs is common, along with other forms of “self-destructive behaviors.” Poor self-esteem is common with teenagers, but especially with those who are depressed.
Parents are often confused and frustrated when their teens begin to act like this.
Sometimes parents become stern disciplinarians, or even put the teen down, which only serves to increase feelings of guilt and depression.
Other times, parents feel helpless, and stand by waiting for adulthood to arrive. Of course neither course is the right one to take.
If you know of a teen whose behaviors have changed to look like what has been described above, let the parents know that there is help available, and encourage the family to seek help from a professional.
With proper diagnosis and treatment a depressed teen, or adult, can be greatly helped.
If someone close to you is suffering from depression, first please understand that depression is a very emotionally painful condition. For some people with depression it turns into a “terminal illness” due to suicide. Please take the situation seriously.
1) Get a medical evaluation. Symptoms of depression can be the result of a wide assortment of illnesses, including thyroid problems, viral infections, and other factors.
2) Deprex is an amino acid and homeopathic medicine for the treatment of depression that we have seen work well with our patients. It may be worth trying as long as the situation is “stable” and there is no suicidal thinking on the part of the depressed person.
3) Medications such as Prozac can be very helpful for more difficult cases. Consult your doctor. These medications are often prescribed by Family Practice Doctors, but in most cases ought to be monitored by Psychiatrists.
4) Increase intake of Protein somewhat. Use a protein powder supplement, just like a weight lifter.
5) Exercise daily. Just get out and walk for about 15 minutes.
6) Seek out counseling from someone who is good at treating depression. This can do a world of good for you. However, always use great wisdom and common sense when choosing a therapist. Some are good, and some are not, so choose wisely.
Teenage depression is something that is hard to see. You look at them and their moodiness that comes just from being teenagers and try to figure out what moodiness is normal and what moodiness is not normal. This can be very hard to tell at times because teenagers are just moody by nature.
Yet, as parents, you have a sense when it is different and you need to take it seriously. Many teenagers die from untreated depression and, more often than not, you hear people saying, “they never saw it coming”.
This is not something that needs to happen. If you feel something is wrong, have them checked out and make sure that it is nothing before you assume that it is nothing to worry about.
There are some signs that you can look for that will help you figure out if it is something to worry about or not. The first thing that you should be thinking about is how long has the moodiness been going on. Sure, they may be moody a lot of the time but you may have noticed that it has changed.
Normal moodiness lasts for a day here and a day there, but the moodiness we are talking about is the kind that goes on for days and stops them from functioning as they would normally.
Look for changes in their behavior, such as how they are around their friends and family members.
Have they stopped doing anything that they used to enjoy doing?
Are they giving away things that have meaning to them? Has the amount of sleep or food they eat suddenly changed?
Have they lost weight or gained weight lately and we are not talking about a 5-pound gain or loss.
Are their grades slipping in a class they have always done well in?
Are they not hanging out with their friends like they used to?
Have they dropped out of any clubs that they were active in?
Have they gotten into an argument or broken up with a significant other recently?
Are there any problems going on at home, like a pending divorce or the death of a family member?
Knowing what is going on in the life of your teenager is hard enough but if you suspect that they may be suffering from depression, it is critical to know what is going on.
The knowledge you gain can help figure out if depression is going on and it may also help to identify what has caused it. There may have been an event that has triggered it and it will be very helpful to know this.
Take teenager depression seriously and remember its easy to put right if you can spot the situation in advance.
Written by Sacha Tarkovsky our expert of the day.
Survey: Parents Need the Facts About Injury Risks to Children
Among the survey’s findings: One in three parents are unaware that children can drown in as little as 2 inches of water. Less than half of parents know falls are the leading cause of unintentional injuries to toddlers. And more than half underestimate how long children should be in a booster seat.
“Particularly in the area of car safety seat usage, parental knowledge tends to decrease as children age,” said Dr. Michael Gittelman, an emergency room pediatrician and medical adviser to “Get on Board with Child Safety,” a national child injury prevention initiative. “Parents need targeted information about the different unintentional injury risks to children as they grow, from infant stage to toddlers to kids and all the way through adolescence.”
Unintentional injuries are the leading cause of death for U.S. children ages 14 and under. “Get on Board with Child Safety” was spearheaded by the children’s brand “Safety 1st” and the National Association of Children’s Hospitals and Related Institutions. They offer the following tips for parents:
* Use a booster seat for children up to 8 years or 80 pounds. Adult seat belts usually do not fit such children properly unless they are in booster seats. When the belt sits too high in the abdominal and neck areas, it can cause serious injuries in an auto crash. Your child is approximately half as likely to be injured when using a booster seat instead of a seat belt alone.
* Always have your children wear a helmet. Bike injuries send hundreds of thousands of kids ages 5 to 14 to the emergency room each year.
* Supervise the trampoline. Approximately 90,000 kids visit the emergency room each year after a trampoline injury. Trampolines are even more dangerous when multiple kids are jumping at once or when a child does somersaults.
* Never leave children unattended in or near the water. Install gates around pools and use doorknob covers to prevent toddlers from getting out of the house and into water without supervision. Always drain small pools when not in supervised use.
Written by Silvester Thompson our expert of the day.
Why Is My Teenager Angry
“Caleb it’s time to take out the trash.” The fight following that simple request was like a tornado ramming into the house and taking off the roof. Screams erupted and before I could back out of his room we were in a shouting match over a chore that would have taken less than two minutes if he had just paused his game long enough to get it done.
I could feel my anger over his attitude elevating my blood pressure and forcing me to stand my ground over the principle of being respected as his parent. Before long I felt I had no choice but to threaten to remove his Xbox from his room if he didn’t do what I told him. In rebellion Caleb rammed his fist through the bedroom wall in defiance while running down the stairs to take out the small bag of trash.
I could feel tears welling up in my eyes at yet another explosion. What happened to my sweet little boy who would run to help me put away the dishes? Ever since he turned thirteen every time I asked him to pick up his room or brush his teeth it was like World War III!
Most parents do not understand that a very important spiritual law enters into the life of teenagers at the age of twelve for girls and thirteen for boys. This is the age of accountability. This means that when your children turn into teenagers they don’t only have to adjust to their changing bodies, but they also must begin the lessons of discerning the differences between right and wrong.
When Adam and Eve ate the apple they ended the perfection of God’s once perfect earth and turned our world into a battlefield between good and bad. This is when Satan entered into the world and became the voice of evil.
Genesis 3:7a, “As soon as they had eaten it, they were given understanding.”
Understanding can only be achieved by being presented with opposites. Gaining this wisdom can only be realized when people have freewill to decide for themselves what they are going to do.
In the story of Cain and Abel, we see that Cain chose to kill his brother out of jealousy. Before the death of his brother God came to Cain and told him, he was wrong.
Genesis 4: 7, “If you had done the right thing, you would be smiling; but because you have done evil, sin is crouching at your door. It wants to rule you, but you must overcome it.”
The first thing that all teenagers struggle with is their emotions. They feel deeply about everything. Cain let his emotions take over his ability to control his feelings and he killed Abel.
I realize this is an extreme example of bad behavior, but it also reveals the beginning of God’s plan to take the imperfection of the world and use it to teach people. Read Genesis 4: 8-15 and you will see that God gave out a punishment fitting the crime that Cain committed. It is an example to all people what will happen when you allow your emotions to take over your ability to reasonably react to a problem in life.
Cain and Abel’s story teaches everyone that if you choose wrong then your life will get harder. It explains how important it is to have self-control in a world where one wrong decision can change the entire course of your life.
This is the reason why it is so important for parents to teach their children about God principles. When we have God on our side then we know the difference between right and wrong. The Bible is our guidebook, it gives hundreds of stories and examples of how our emotions can lead us to murder, commit adultery, steal, drink in excess, and carouse with the wrong people.
Knowing God’s laws are important, but there is something else that is even more important. Our world is surrounded by an unseen spiritual world that interacts with this world. Demon spirits have the ability to influence our thinking and manipulate us into doing Satan’s will.
Ephesians 6: 10-12, “Finally, build up your strength in union with the Lord and by means of his mighty power. Put on all the armor that God gives you, so that you will be able to stand up against the Devil’s evil tricks. For we are not fighting against human beings but against the wicked spiritual forces in the heavenly world, the rulers, authorities, and cosmic powers of this dark age.”
Paul’s solution to this problem is by emphatically telling us in Ephesians 6:18, that our only recourse against evil is consistence in prayer. As parents we must teach our children to pray and we must pray for them!
Jesus’ gave a simple prayer to His disciples when they asked Him to teach them how to pray. Read Matthew 6: 9-13, and pay attention to the last part of the Lord’s Prayer!
Matthew 6: 13, “Do not bring us to hard testing, but keep us safe from the Evil One.”
When you are part of a teaching world then you will be tested. Teenagers will be tested by their emotions with their families, friends and schools. Parents will be tested on how they react to their teenagers. The only way to be patient, when we are faced with the turbulence surrounding the lives of teenagers, is by being aware of how our world works.
Ephesians 6: 4, “Parents, do not treat your children in such a way as to make them angry. Instead, raise them with Christian discipline and instruction.”
It is very important for parents to act in maturity. We must not give into anger and use words that are judgmental and condescending. We must listen to what they are saying and work with them. At the same time be consistent with chores and requirements. Always be encouraging because as parents we understand what our children are going through because we were once teenagers just like them. Draw upon those memories and you will be the parent they need in their lives.
Explosions from teenagers are rarely about how a parent is treating them. It is an accumulation of everything they are facing in their lives. You are their sounding board and unfortunately you are also the one they express their frustration with.
To be a good parent is to not hold everything your child has done wrong against them. Talk to them when they are reasonable and always with confirmation that you will always love them no matter what.
Our world is filled with teenage runaways because parents were unable to reach compromises with their children. Many teenagers have even been put out of their houses because their parents don’t know how to get through to them.
Christians should react differently to their teenagers, from how the people who don’t have God in their lives respond. They should love always and be patient most of all because they remember what it was like to be their age.
Caleb sat in his room waiting for my reaction to his newest hole. I walked into the room and told him I loved him. I explained when I handed him the plaster, that it was his responsibility to fix his mess. Caleb nodded his head in agreement and apologized for his explosion.
After a few minutes of talking he explained how he was having difficulties in one of his classes at school. Quickly the Holy Spirit opened my eyes to why he had over reacted to the trash. It was never about the chore it was about his frustration at school.
Quietly, I told him to get his book and together we would figure it out. Relief spread over his face and suddenly what had once been an uncomfortable nightmare of explosive emotions turned into a bonding time bringing us closer together. By the time evening arrived we had conquered the problem and once again I had my loving boy back.
Written by Linda Dipman our expert of the day.
Toddlers – Planning a Vacation With Kids
Got Toddlers? Got Chaos! Planning any kind of trip with toddlers can be complicated. There are certain things to keep in mind that might help preserve your sanity and possibly even let you have a little bit of fun together as a family.
Arrive Leisurely
Traveling with a toddler can take a toll on even the most patient parent. If you are flying, the experience can be exciting and will keep them occupied for about ten minutes before your little one is ready to start a full-scale exploration effort. In an airplane you do have the opportunity to get up and move around – take a trip to the restroom or, pilot willing, consider a trip to the cockpit.
Car rides can be complicated as well. Fortunately, toddlers are great at napping in the car, so you might consider leaving right before naptime and letting your enthusiastic one sleep the first couple of hours. A lot of parents also drive in the evening in hopes of a sleepy car ride for longer than a few hours.
While your toddler is awake, consider a favorite video, toys, books, coloring, action figures, snacks and anything else you can think of to keep them entertained. Plan on plenty of stops along the way to get out, change diapers and stretch legs. Rushing to get anywhere just makes things more stressful, so don’t get in a hurry.
Maintain a Routine
Your toddler probably has a nice nap routine at home, and vacation is not a time to wing it. If your little one naps at noon every day, move mountains to help them nap at noon on the road. Take a break in the hotel room or alternate separate parent activities so someone is there to help even the most reluctant toddler take a break in a busy day. Try to keep bedtime reasonably close to normal, too – a tired toddler is not a toddler that travels well.
Keep it Loose
If you are a scheduling fanatic when it comes to travel, toddler travel may not be for you. Plan activities with plenty of cushion time in between. Toddlers aren’t able to appreciate fine architecture, but they love a good fountain or the local zoo. Find activities that have a little bit of something for everyone – zoos, parks, beaches, hikes, wildlife, etc…
Mix “grown-up” activities in with toddler activities to give everyone something to look forward to. You might also want to pick a few of the most important landmarks to see and leave the rest for when your child has an attention span longer than fifteen minutes. Above all, just remember that this should be fun for everyone – even if you never leave the hotel pool!
Written by Ajay R (articlesubmit.net) our expert of the day.
Parenting Advice Corner: Holding on to Babyhood
Question: My son will be 4 in September. He is trying to remain a baby. We do not encourage any type of behavior that he should be past. For example, at daycare he will go into the infant area and ask for a bottle: He tries to get us to rock him to sleep at night and he is practically glued to me when we are home. I only work part time, and make it a point to spend one on one quality time with him. He does not want to try anything new. I have watched the other children in his daycare and most stare at him as if he is really weird. His swimming teacher thinks he has low self-esteem. How do I get him to move on and act more his age? — Frustrated Parents in Florida
Answer:
It is common for children to hold onto infancy or babyhood. Not every child is anxious to be a “big” boy or girl! Sometimes it means they have to let go of things they really like, like sucking on bottles, being rocked or not having to stop playing to use the potty.
There are two important rules to remember when dealing with this particular situation:
(a) Never ridicule a child who wants to re-experience babyhood by telling him to “grow up” or “quit acting like a baby.” While the child’s behavior, in itself, is not a sign of low self-esteem, such responses can damage the child’s sense of self-worth. Critical comments cause children to feel more insecure and increases their need for comfort and reassurance – which they try to meet in ways that have worked in the past – wanting to be held more, self-comforting with bottles, etc. This approach almost always backfires and can even lead to power struggles.
(b) Nudge, but don’t push. Nudging is a firm and gentle encouragement to take the next step. Pushing is an unrealistic pressured expectation to reach the final goal all at once. Being told one has to be a “big” boy or girl can actually feel like pressure to grow up — and many people resist pressure. The natural law of human behavior is to push back or insist even harder when someone is trying to force us to change or to do what they want. It often turns into a power struggle. When children are hesitant and truly scared of new experiences, we can nudge and encourage them to take the next step. We can read their reactions and be ready to back off a bit or slowly ease them into a new situation.
It’s important to understand what’s happening here, developmentally. In an excerpt from The Parent’s Toolshop: The Universal Blueprint for Building a Healthy Family, the author, Jody Johnston Pawel, LSW, CFLE explains:
Growth occurs in waves. At each major developmental stage, children work through certain issues and tasks. There are natural ups-and-downs as children master these new skills. It is necessary for children to go through a temporary period of imbalance before moving to a new level. If they didn’t do this, they would have to immediately jump from one developmental stage to the next, with no transition period. This would be unnatural. Children often step back and regroup between their great spurts of learning. In the early years, these difficult periods often come at approximately six-month intervals, but even this time frame is not a hard and fast rule.
If things are going smoothly and suddenly our children’s behavior takes a downward dive, we want to consider what is happening with them developmentally. If we can’t identify any traumas or mistakes we are making, there is a good possibility that these children are getting ready to make a developmental leap and are entering this transition period. Many parents are concerned about these regressions, when children revert to old, outgrown habits. It is particularly helpful, during these times, to review literature about the developmental issues children face at that age. (The Parent’s Toolshop summarizes all the developmental stages children go through.)
As children prepare to leave infancy behind – forever – they often seek “one last try” at it, sometimes many “tries.” It is very common for children between the ages of 4 and 8 to “play baby.” They talk like babies, suck their thumbs (even if they never did before) and want to drink from bottles. It’s fun! Babies get extra attention and pampering older children don’t – and they miss it! When it seems like the regression is a “game,” we can let them “play” baby and respond in ways that reinforce their maturity. “It’s fun to pretend you are still a baby, isn’t it?” If we allow them to do it, but put time limits on how long they do it or maybe where they do it (at home but not in public), it helps them “get it out of their system” and behave age-appropriately more often and in more settings.
Something else to consider is whether your son’s hesitancy to try new things is simply his personality. Some children are so comforted by and comfortable with routines, that they have difficulty making transitions. We cannot change someone’s temperament, because much of it is determined by genetic factors, but we can influence how they use or channel their natural tendencies. In another excerpt from The Parent’s Toolshop, I explain several personality traits that can result in difficult behavior and offer suggestions for each. Here is what I suggest for this trait:
C Children have a hard time making transitions between activities. These children are uncomfortable with change and become upset in new and unfamiliar situations. Limit the number of transitions children must endure. Have consistent routines and as few surprises as necessary. Explain what will happen next and allow time for children to end one activity before moving to the next. Arrive early or visit ahead of time before expecting children to participate. Be encouraging, but don’t push too hard. With young children, use tangible time references they can understand. Older children with this trait can have difficulty adjusting to classroom changes if they haven’t learned effective coping strategies.
I would also add that you can suggest he “just try” something new and either set a reasonable limit like how many times he tries it, how long he tries it or when/where he tries it. It’s kind of like trying new foods. Just one bite now and then can help “break you in” to the idea and taste of the new experience. Often, children are just unsure about what to expect, so they would rather sit and watch for awhile to see how things work and get used to the idea. This is part of their learning style. They “wait and see” how it’s done and when they are ready to try it, they do it all at once. Think about when he started walking or finally started using the toilet. Is this what he did? If so, accept that this is his style of learning. He’ll do “it” (whatever “it” is) when he’s ready and is sure he’ll succeed.
Finally, try not to worry about children who still need a great deal of closeness, affection and reassurance at this age. They enjoy it – now. It’s a wonderful sign your child has bonded with you. You’ve done a “good job” as a parent to have a child who feels so reassured by your presence. Allow yourself to be “home base,” for them to touch now and then. And if they still want rocked at night or come to you for a dozen hugs in an hour, put things in perspective. Like many things in parenting, this too shall pass. And I guarantee there will come a day when you wish your son would want to give you a hug, sit on your lap or be with you – but it’s just not cool anymore. Save up these deposits in your “emotional paycheck” bank account, for there will be dry spells during the teen years, which also pass. Remind yourself that your son’s present behavior is temporary, typical for his age and nothing to be overly concerned about. I didn’t say it would be easy to deal with or that it will go away overnight. Like most parenting situations, we need to be patient and avoid reactions that can make matters worse. We want to respond in respectful, reassuring ways that nudge children to the next step of their development without coddling or allowing them to become overly dependent. It’s a fine line, but a clear line.
For more information about developmental stages, personality traits, building independence and helping children work through their feelings, I suggest you get and read The Parent’s Toolshop. Not only does it have 100+ skills and tips for 1000+ issues, but it will teach you the basic concepts and practical tools you need to feel more confident as a parent and to figure out on your own how to resolve any problem, using the unique “Universal Blueprint” problem-solving system it presents.
Do follow up with us and let us know how things work out. I’d be willing to bet your son is getting ready to “leap” developmentally and six months from now he will have moved beyond this stage. He’s just having a hard time “getting over the hump,” so be encouraging and reassuring as you nudge him along.
Written by Jody Pawel our expert of the day.
