Teenager Chores and Family Responsibility
The amount of visual and auditory stimuli is at an all time high. Almost every second of every day kids are exposed to a multitude of things that can interest them and take their attention away from what is really important in life. Being a part of a functioning family unit is important and oftentimes not thought of in today’s fast food, computer and video game culture.
Sometimes when a parent figure asks a child to help with a specific chore around the house, like taking out the rubbish, the child makes excuses that he/she is too busy to help out. Teenagers often use having homework to finish or a test to study for as excuses to not do chores but realistically the chores often only take a few minutes and completing the chore is a necessary part of being responsible inside a family unit. An easy fix for most chore related problems is to rotate the chores on a weekly or monthly basis. This way, the excuse of being bored with the same chore can not happen. With multiple children this is applicable. With a single child, the parent must help out and lead by example.
A common mistake many parents make is using money as a way to get their children to do chores. It is best if the children are given an allowance that is not specifically tied to completion of the chores. It is important because everyone in the household must pitch in when things need to be done around the house. It is simply part of being a family member. By using money to foster behavioural change, parents are not utilizing the best way to get someone to do something – it is related to bribing which falls under the Seven Deadly Habits of External Control, as discussed by William Glasser. We want them to complete their chores to help them develop responsibility and skills that they will take into adulthood, not because they are being rewarded with money.
A great way to get started is to compile a list of what needs to be done around the house. Things like mowing the lawn, feeding any pets, taking out the trash, cooking dinner, cleaning the dishes, sweeping the floors or using the vacuum, on and on the list goes. There are many fun things that the family can do together and this will, in turn, lead to a stronger bond when it is time for the young ones to go out on their own. When one child sets up the table and another helps prepare the food, this develops a great synergy and consistency within the household. Asking the children what they want to do is another way to build a feeling of teamwork. If they have a choice in the matter, they will not feel like they are being forced to do something they do not want to do.
By teaching responsibility at a young age, parents are giving their children an amazing gift that will pay many dividends down the road. All it takes is a little preparation and teamwork to make it happen.
1. Don’t link allowances or other rewards to family chores. One of the most common mistakes parents make is paying kids for doing chores, often in the form of an allowance. While you want your children to understand that a job well done receives rewards, you don’t want them thinking that they should be paid for fulfilling family responsibilities. This creates a sense of entitlement that can carry over to adult life. When you find an adult who works only for the money—and who refuses to stay one second after 5 p.m. because “I don’t get paid any more if I stay late”— then you’re probably looking at someone whose parents fostered this sense of entitlement.
2. Financially intelligent parents resolve the paradox of chores and rewards in the following way. They divide chores into two categories: F (family) chores and X (extra) chores. The F group involves routine family responsibilities necessary to keep the household running smoothly, such as washing dishes, taking out the trash, making the bed and so on. The X group involves tasks that you might pay someone else to do: washing the car, mowing the lawn, babysitting a younger sibling. The X group generally requires more time and effort, and kids understand that they are being rewarded for their time and effort rather than for their routine family responsibilities.
3. Avoid constant criticism as your child learns to do chores the right way. A hypercritical, judgmental parent who thinks she is instilling a work ethic in her children is going to have exactly the opposite effect. She’ll raise kids who resent their chores and try to get out of doing them. If they can’t get out of them, they’ll rush through their tasks and do a slipshod job, or they’ll learn to procrastinate. Constant criticism makes kids feel that they’ll never do a good job, so why try? They’ll internalise the notion that they’re not good enough, and as they become older they may feel the same way about school and jobs.
Recognise that kids face a chore learning curve and that they learn at their rate, not yours. Once a chore is assigned or selected, show your child how to do it. If your child makes a mistake, don’t rant and rave. Be calm and show him again how to do it, and tell him that the next time, he’ll do it right. And when you see him doing it right later on, don’t simply accept the result as something he’s supposed to do. Praise him for doing it well. Too many parents notice when their children do something wrong; not enough notice when they do it right.
9/10 years old
1. Operate the washing machine and dryer
2. Change own bed and put out laundry
3. Wash the car
4. Learn to bank and use money responsibly
5. Make tea and coffee
6. Do simple sewing tasks
7. Cook simple meals from a recipe
11/12 years old
1. Travel on public transport
2. Plan own parties
3. Vacuum the house
4. Cook and prepare an evening meal for the family
5. Feed and bathe younger siblings
6. Put younger siblings to bed
7. Help in routine maintenance around the house
Teenagers
1. Contribute to household responsibilities such as cooking, own room
2. Delegate an area of responsibility for them to look after e.g. feeding and
walking a dog, weekly garbage, wood for a wood heating system
3. Cook a meal at least once a week
4. Make and organise own lunches
5. Organise own travel arrangements for hobbies, sports and outside interests
6. Organise own financial arrangements such as banking, investing and spending
money
7. Take responsibility for clothing purchases within an agreed allowance or limit
Written by Tracy Tresidder our expert of the day.
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